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| Dana: Billy Barty is on the phone right now organizing a mail-in campaign. Sandra: Well, you love scary movies... Dana: I do. Sandra: But what do you find really scary in real life? Dana: It's the stuff that I'm supposed to like. Regis and Kathie Lee. I don't mind Regis. I actually think Regis knows what's going on. But Kathie Lee -- Cody's headed for trouble. You can't be put up on a pedestal like Cody. He's gonna fall, and he's gonna fall hard. And I just hope Frank's there to pick up the pieces. 'Cause Kathie Lee won't be. Sandra: I don't know. Kathie Lee trips me out. I think she was raised Jewish and she converted. Dana: Yeah, I mean her real name is like Adolph Schickelgruber, and then she changed it to Kathie Lee. Sandra: Something really bizarre, but you know, that's a whole B-movie experience in itself. Dana: This is what I love. "Kathie Lee Gifford" is a fake name. "Regis Philbin" is real. "Regis." I like it. Sandra: That's the beautiful thing about artistry and the imitation of life. Dana: Um-hmm. And my watch says it's always time for Regis. Sandra: Is it true? Dana: It's always time for Regis. Sandra: Do you believe in flying saucers? Dana: Um-hmm. Without a doubt. But I don't believe in alien abduction. Do you read anything about that stuff? Sandra: Sure. Dana: It's always the same set of circumstances. It's always some cracker from the Midwest, like "I was abducted and anally probed by two aliens who disguised themselves as my buddies, Brad and Duke. I was taken on board a space ship that looked just like the back of Duke's warehouse." It's always somebody just working something out that they can't deal with. Sandra: A high colonic in space. Dana: They pin it on the aliens. Sandra: They do. Dana: But if that is true, if that's the way it works, what are the aliens thinking? That's what I want to know. "We've mastered the infinities of travel through time and space, but the anal cavity eludes us." If only we could crack the anal question, we could have it all down. Sandra: Well, we're going to crack the anal and the oral questions. This has been a beautiful experience. Dana: Well, let's cut to commercial and get down to work. Sandra: Thanks, honey. Dana: See ya.
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 The Sandra Berhard Interview Dana Gould Interviews Jon Stewart |
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